Re: Why do men take second wives?

The article "Why do men take second wives?" written by Dina Zaman, published on the 9th October 2008 is referred.

I tried to recall who is this Dina Zaman the writer and now I remember I replied to her previous articles many months before. And I guess it's such a waste of time to make it in full detail although I will try to answer all her puny arguments.

I bet there will be no way we can see eye to eye.

"Polygamy has nothing to do with culture or religion. Men, and women too, cheat because they can."

This is the headline she chose. How dramatic, how emotional. How feminist... NOT! Women do cheat, but compared to men, they cheat less. Maybe Dina forgot this. It is true that some women cheat, but not many. As long as you stay away from threesome porn FMM, women cheat less than men. Your friends like FMM, Dina? It seems that you agree your kind are like men too, cheat because they can. We are still different, you see. No such thing as equality.

Well, God knows more than you do, Dina. That is why He allow the men to marry one, two, three or four. But it's not an obligation to marry more than one. But some men need to and he has options. It is not just about our prophet that justifies poligamy, it's in the Quraan. Read it.

"Now, my friend takes his religious obligations very seriously. His first wife wears the hijab. So to hear him admit that it was his paramour’s cleavage that caught his heart was quite shocking."

This might sound stupid to you but not me. We men have preferences. Women have preferences too. However, I bet it's just a speculation that your friend fell in love over jugs! Be real, Dina! There must be a reason why he tried to marry another one. Did you ask him? Did he really say it was because of her breasts? You are not an idiot to realise this is just an assumption, since the friend who informed you only take into detail over a controversial/female degrading statement (being a woman I suppose). And come on, whats wrong with big breasts? She is a single mother! It's just logic she has big breasts and I dont think it's a big deal.

“Okay then. Why don’t you sell your car and take a camel to work then?” (emulating Muhammad).

What a shallow argument to compare poligamy with the way you go to work to follow the sunnah! Clearly you don't read the Quraan. If there is a suggestion that I go to work with a camel in the Quraan, I will quit tubing in London!

"I’m realistic. I know men who adore their wives and love them to bits, but they can still love their mistresses and other wives. Am I condoning affairs and polygamy? No. But this happens. It has nothing to do with Islam or being Malay, though polygamy is part of the culture. We’re Asians. We have a long history of concubinage."

Yes that makes us men different than you. We can have many wives, but you can't. You admitted that you are a westernised, secular, modern woman. Imagine this woman named Dina Zaman (not her real name), having 4 husbands. Suddenly she is pregnant. Err.. is it Scott who's responsible? Or is it Bala's? Or Ah Meng's? Or Aaron's? (no Muslim name here maybe it's because I don't think a secular can be a Muslim). Surely it will cause some confusion there. And DNA testing is not that cheap you can buy from Imbi plaza.

Culture?? Culture?? You are actually the victim of the culture! Your culture, upbringing and society, your friends do influence you in your life. If you dislike poligamy thats fine. But for me poligamy is something natural. You wanna talk science? Since you tend to be secular in every way, let me tell you a story of a cock (ayam jantan before you get too excited), in a farm in Chicken Run the movie. You wonder why he is the only male and the rest are all females? And he is old! Until a new male came unexpectedly, the Flying Rooster. It's not just in Chicken Run you know. If you can watch discovery channels, you will find an ethnic group, far from your so-called so Western life of Dina Zaman (in her own word), the leader has many wives. Culture? History of concubines in Asians? King Henry had four wives. He had to make up some stories that his first wife was evil to marry another one. And even had one of the wives killed the Boelyn girl just to re-marry. Most men are randy! Culture??? It's just inside us. And God has given us right to marry more than one. But again it's not an obligation! Not to settle for 'Zina Daman' or a prostitute. You wonder why there are more female prostitutes than gigolos? Is it not clear that the clients are mostly men? Chua Soi Lek is a man, isn't he?

But still, a man can still marry one and be happy. A man can still marry four and be happy! So why can't you just let us be happy?

"There are many single-again women like my friends and I, who still believe in marriage and love. But I can tell you, should we walk down that path again one day, we’re going down it with our eyes open and keep a part of our hearts to ourselves. Because you never know."

I don't want to get involved with your personal life, Dina. Maybe you have to look at yourself and think what's wrong with yourself. Not just rejecting all other people's ideas as if the world only revolve around you. That you want to be an activist. A female rights group. Islam has always been protecting the women. Always! I don't care if you are an aethist (in general) but try, please, to respect other people's religion and not make a mockery out of it. You have your own style. So be it. I pray that you will come back to the right path. Not blindly following your Sex-and-the-City Bible and prophets on TV! Go find your true love. A man who doesn't need to marry more than one does exist in many.

You can start by not being too aggressive about what nature has told you. What God has told you. And then men will not think you are a hazard in their marriage. That you will respect him, love him as a husband.

Some of us men do need to marry more than one. But do we have to? Is it an obligation? No. If a man can settle with only one wife, he will settle with one wife. I am a realist as well and I have to be realistic. I did not plan to marry more than one. It's not something that I can plan to do, or not to do, or being one of my ambitions.

But if I needed to, and Allah would let me, I would say why not?

So bring your female rights to a better cause. Like against discrimination in work. Bringing abusive husbands to justice. Bringing unfair treatment of poligamious husbands of the wives to justice. Punish them legitimately. Against sexual harrassment. etc...

Abolish poligamy in Malaysia? That will never happen. You will actually fighting a losing cause. And I will be the first in line to protect my religion. Even the US admin is in denial over poligamy having to see the painstaking image of a priest having many wives in their home soil. It's like questioning nature. It's like questioning God. Even if you want to make it a reality, do you actually condone prostitutions to cure some of us men who are "Madonna-whore" addict? I thought Zina is harram in Islam? And it is very, very risky concerning health? Do you want your future husband to have the risk of Hellfire (if you believe in Hellfire because secular people don't) and transmittable diseases?

He has options. Either you listen to him more instead of being aggressive to him all the time, rebellious all the time, I'm sure he will realise that sex is not everything. Sex is an important part of marriage, but is not everything.

Ahh, very refreshing. I hope you will get the chance to read this, Dina.